limericks (some are rude)

old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
to get her doggie a bone
but when she bent down,the dog came around
and gave her a bone of his own.

there was a cabin boy named kipper
a plucky little nipper
he filled his ass,with broken glass
and circumcised the skipper.

jack be nimble,jack be quick,
jack jumped over the candlestick
silly boy,he should have jumped higher,
goodness gracious! great balls of fire!

Spider spider on the wall,
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
Now your stuck you silly b@st@rd!

The fart is a wonderful creature,
It lives in the valley of bum,
it wriggles around in your knickers,
and comes out with a musical hum.

Old mother hubbard and her cow,
to milk it, to milk it, she didn't know how,
she pulled its tail instead of its t!t,
and all she got was a bucket full if sh!t.

mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon,
10,000 volts shot up its arse,
and turned its wool to nylon.

hey diddle diddle
the cat did a piddle
all over the kitchen matt
the little dog laughed
to see such fun
and piddled all over the cat

There was a young sailor named Bates,
Who danced the fandango on skates,
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates.

There once was a young man named Bass
Who had balls that were made out of brass.
When they clanked together
They played "Stormy Weather"
Whilst lightning shot out of his ass.

There once was a virgin from Devon
Deflowered by a party of seven,
All Anglican priests,
the libidinous beasts;
But of such is the kingdom of Heaven!

There was an old sailor named Dale
Whose dick was as big as a whale.
Though he fell off his boat
His dick made him float
And blew him around like a sail.